Still figuring it out

Sometimes, something happens that seems to shake the person you thought you were. Someone will say something that makes you see things differently. This can be a great opportunity....in this case, it was not a good thing. I seem to have lost the desire to help other people, or even let people in to know me. In the last 2 years, I thought I had found this outgoing person that was ready to come out and let the world know me. I was figuring out who God was and how beautiful the world could be. I learned to trust people and I wanted my life to mean something....

how can it change with just one person??? Was it just one person or an entire community??? Was I wrong about everything? Was I wrong about God? Even having this thought makes me feel unstable.

Things are going very well right now, regardless of the last month. I want to enjoy the changes and believe that God has a bigger picture in mind, but then why do I feel so scared to let people in?

We started visiting other churches and one of them was really nice...but I can't talk to anyone. They are happy and smiling and welcoming...but I am terrified to become part of the bigger whole. I want to meet new people and try again, but the thought of getting shut down again......I never thought that letting myself love a church could be so painful and miserable.